Starting Over

Looking at apartments again.


Landlords want you to have a job before they will lease to you.  I don't want to get a job until I have an apartment lined up, because I want to get settled in and hopefully find a job close by wherever I end up living.

I have enough in my savings to live on for just under a year with absolutely ZERO income.  If I tell potential landlords that, do you think they will be a little more lenient about the whole job thing?  And if I get my dad to cosign, which he said he would? 

Ideally I would like to end up with a combination of apartment, job, and online university where it all works out so that my job covers my living expenses and I pay for university out of my savings and my RESP.

How to go about getting this done? 
Well I have an updated resumé now.  Whether it's any good or not remains to be seen, but at least I have something to work from. 

Guess I should do laundry, shave, and pluck my eyebrows tomorrow.  Try to get back into the swing of things. 

Still have a problem with references, though!  I have no idea who to use :(
Alright.  So.  I need to update my resumé so that I can get a shit minimum wage job so I can get an apartment at some point in the near future.

Here is a basic summary of my life.

Education - graduated high school with honours in '07.  Went to MTA from September of '07 until January of '09, when I had to leave because of the vasculitis.

Work - Managed the U-Pick for my dad every summer since I was thirteen except for '07 and '09.  In '07 I worked at the café at the marsh, preparing food and operating the till.

THAT IS IT.  Who on earth is going to hire me?!  And... who am I supposed to put down as references?!  My father?  Hardly!  The woman from the Marsh who hired me over two years ago?  She's probably forgotten who I am, never mind whether or not I was a good worker. 

Any brilliant ideas, O readers?  (I know you're there, I can see my pageviews!)
I spent the entire day today planning out a degree from Athabasca University. 

Will it amount to anything?

Got to find out if I can afford it, first.

I'm thinking that if I do decide to go for it, I will see if I can volunteer/intern/whatever at a place in the city that is applicable to the degree.  Maybe work for them as a secretary or something? 

I don't know.  Maybe I'll lose interest in this in a couple of weeks anyway and it will all be a moot point.
Along the same lines as yesterday's post...  I will never have children of my own.  Even if I never have to take the kidney meds that will make me infertile, the info packet with the substitute meds says that I can not be pregnant and on the meds at the same time.  And, seeing as those meds are maintaining kidney function... yeah.   Don't see the doctor taking me off of them any time soon.

The common response when I mention this to anyone is that I can always adopt.

Not so much.  They require a medical report before they'll allow you to adopt a child.  Pretty sure I would fail that.

So, yep.  Some more of that harsh reality - I will most likely never be a mother.

This is not something I want to have to think about at nineteen. Ugh.
Every once in a while I have to remind myself that I'm never going to be the same as I was before the vasculitis.

I keep catching myself thinking things like, "As soon as my feet aren't swollen, I will start exercising again"  "Once I can breathe properly, I can start going out again"  "Once I lose all this water weight I can wear real clothes and socialize like I used to"

It's difficult to remember that these things are probably not going to go away.  Waiting for my body to sort itself out is silly, because my body isn't going to sort itself out. 

I find myself getting frustrated with people who ask me if I'm feeling better or if I'm still sick.  But how can I possibly blame them, when I consistently forget, myself? 

It's a difficult concept to wrap my mind around - I'm never going to be better.  I will always be sick.  I will always have limitations on what I can do, on what my body can handle.  I just have to find a way to work around these limitations - or through them. 

I refuse to become like my mother.  I will not hide from the world for so long, like she has.

It's going to be very hard.  It's humiliating to go out in public like this - grotesquely huge, bright red stretch marks everywhere, skin and hair in horrible shape... and I pant and wheeze after walking only a short distance. All of this is because of either the disease or the medication, but who is going to believe me? All they see is an ugly, obese young woman who is panting like she hasn't moved in months.

I should get a t-shirt or something made up.  "THIS WAS NOT MY FAULT". Ha.
Well, I finished Twilight today.  Very lulzy, but the internet was down and so you find yourself deprived of my commentary.  Sorry about that. 

Re-watched The Princess Bride and enjoyed it.

Also watched The Sound of Music for the first time and thought it was excellent.

I am somewhat ashamed to report that I have started reading New Moon (yes, the sequel to Twilight), mostly because I find myself in need of something fluffy to read that I don't have to actually concentrate on. Will let you know how that turns out.
It has been bothering me all night because I knew that I recognized the actress that played Esme Cullen from somewhere.  Well, I just checked IMDB and it's Rebecca/Ava from Grey's Anatomy! 

Perhaps I will be able to get to sleep, now.
So I am petsitting for my cousin's roommate and I have been given permission to watch their DVDs and such - lo and behold, they have Twilight!  I found the novel pretty hilarious, in that the writing is not spectacular but it is decent for a fluffy read if you don't want to concentrate. 

Anyway, I've decided to watch the movie. 

I'm about seven minutes in so far, and nothing terribly traumatising has happened. 

Hmm.  Mike looks nothing like how I pictured him. 

Oh! oh! Here comes Robert Pattinson!  Perhaps he will save the day and bring the lulz.  Haha, whoa.  What was with the "I'm gonna hurl" face in class? Hehe.  Oh, nice framing of the shot with the wings of the owl conveniently behind Robert Pattinson so it looks like HE has wings.  Interesting.

12:40 - if she hasn't been in the town in ages, how on earth does everyone remember who she is and what her favourite things are?  Though, I suspect that is a problem with the book and not the movie.  It's been a few months since I read it, and I did only read it once.

I like how everyone goes from hating/making fun of Bella to absolutely adoring her in a period of about ten seconds.

I suppose I should mention that I'm watching this with English subtitles. 

WHOA.  The Forks police department has some pretty kickass police cars!

Is Bella planning on changing her hairstyle at all throughout the course of this film?  Just wondering.

OH OH OH  Robert Pattinson is saying hello to Bella!  He speaks!  ... guys.  Do not slide the heavy, metal microscope across the desk.  Pick. It. Up.  Oh, look, and we can see in the background that the eyepiece swivels so there isn't a need to pick up the microscope at all!  Fancy that.

Is Robert Pattinson really tall, or is Bella actress chicky really short?

20:55 - pretty bad parking job with your truck there, Bella. Though I do appreciate how your bag matches it. 

Dr. Cullen is strangely attractive. 

Robert Pattinson, please get a haircut.

Also, please stop being creepy in Bella's bedroom.

Apparently the hairstyle thing is a no.

Oh here comes the angst.  Excellent.

30:02 - Oh look, I think I spoke too soon about the hairstyle.  instead of being pulled back in a headband, it is pulled back in two barrettes!  

HAHA. Oh god.  The lines.  So lulzy.  Reminds me of why I thought the book was so funny. 

32:40 - oh here comes Jacob. "The Cullens don't come here" Ooooh ominous. 

Heeey I see what they did there with the whole "it's a snake!" bit. Clever, cleverrrr.

OH  here are the evil vampires!  They are not as attractive as I was expecting. Hmph. 

36:45 - Aaand we're back to the headband. 

Lose the gloves, Jessica.

Oh good, here comes the creepy stalker alleyway scene.  Go Robert Pattinson, go!  WHAAAT.  What is with the growling?!  lmao.  

41:20 - Why does Edward look confused?  I didn't see anything confusing going on...

Creepy creepy creepy stalker Robert Pattinson who needs a haircut can hear what people are thinking. 

44:30 - Why do they both look like they're about to cry?

Yay Dr. Cullen is back.  Is it sad that I think he is the most attractive person in this movie?

Oh good, she's finally figuring out that they're vampires.  That will make things a lot easier. 

And now for the confrontation scene!!!  Ohhh, shut DOWN. Not even a confrontation scene for you, Robert Pattinson.  Oh. Oh, dear.  You're going to creepily follow Bella into the forest instead. 

"You're impossibly fast and strong" - THERE'S a pick-up line.  

Why the whirling camera-shot?  

  "Say it. Out loud.  Say it" - demanding much?

SPARKLES!!! ...wait.  These are not very sparkly sparkles.  I am not impressed.  The sparkling is the best, most lulzy part of the entire concept, and the part of the movie I was most looking forward to.

Okay, enough with the whirling camera movements.

More sparkles!  Hm.  They look a bit better this time, maybe I judged a little hastily.


Rain?  No rain?  What is going on here?

1:03:40 - Nice house, Cullens.

Cool room, Robert Pattinson.  OH OH HERE COMES A ROMANTIC MOMENT.  Aww are they going to dance?  Is that what's happening here?  Oh and the standard "I can't dance" line.  Oh the piggyback run!  ... totally thought she was grabbing his junk when she was, in actual fact, grabbing a nearby branch. 

MORE whirling camera?  I think I might hurl. 

... there is still so much more of this movie to go. Can we speed things up a bit, please?

"I like watching you sleep" - jesus christ that is so fucking creepy.  Pardon my language, but it IS.

slowest. kiss. ever.

WHOA.  Is she in just her panties?!

1:17:30 - She changed her hair!!  It's a miracle! 

Ooh here comes the vampire baseball scene!  I've heard that this is hilarious. Let's see.  Hmm, here come the Bad Vampires. let's see what happens.  Aww, Laurent is a nice vampire. Sort of.

Wow, okay, it's starting to get dark outside.  I will finish the movie tomorrow,