Starting Over

I had fantastic plans for today.

I was going to wake up, make a delicious breakfast, have a shower in which I shaved my legs, pack a bag with a lunch, a sketchbook, a notebook, and some other various things, and go to the zoo.  After the zoo, I was going to go swimming.  It was set up to be a wonderful day.

Yeah, that didn't happen.

I didn't fall asleep last night until after 3:00am.  I was woken up at 4:30am by the chipmunks outside my bedroom window.

I didn't get out of bed and start the day until noonish.

Today was full of fail. 

and I forgot to shave my legs.

Well that was certainly unexpected!  As you may or may not have noticed, I disappeared off the face of this website for a little while there.   So sorry!

"But why, Jenn?  Why would you abandon us?!" you cry.  "Surely we mean more to you than that!"

Well, dearest reader, you do.  You mean more to me than you will ever know, and it was not my intention to abandon you for so long!  Unfortunately, my vasculitis does not care about you as much as I do, and it decided to be a jackass and knock me flat on my back for a month and a half. Then there was the obligatory "Holy shit I can finally move again" stage, where I avoided the computer entirely... and now things are getting back to normal. 

At least, as normal as things can get around here. 

So, briefly, let's cover what has happened over the past couple of months, shall we? 

One of my cats died - Bailey.  The really fat, grey one?  Yeah.  She had been breathing heavily for a couple of days, so we made an appointment at the vet.  Dad took her up there, got her out of the carrier and on the examining table, where she promptly had a heart attack and died.  Not really shocking, because she was quite scared and obese, but she was only eight years old. 

Now, you would think that after an event such as this, my mother would stop feeding the cats human food.  But, no.  She is still giving them bowls full of milk and huge chunks of the processed deli meats and spoonfuls of yoghurt and ice cream or whatever else she has laying around. 

It makes me so furious. 

You know what else makes me furious about my mother?  Her cigarettes. I don't even care anymore that she's smoking them.  Fine, whatever, kill yourself with your cancer sticks if that's what you really want - but don't make me breathe your nasty second-hand smoke.  Especially when my vasculitis is making it difficult enough for me to breathe as it is. 

Anyway.  I am trying to avoid my mother as much as possible, because I am so furious with her that I know I won't be able to hold my tongue if I have to talk to her.  And I am trying to avoid a fight, but I can't help but feel like a petulant teenager.  What do "real" adults do in situations where they know they cannot keep control of themselves if they are forced to interact with a certain individual? 

On a happier note - hello, healthier lifestyle!  I recently joined SparkPeople (link opens in new window), and have radically changed my diet and exercise habits.  Not seeing any astounding results yet, but that isn't going to stop me.  I've been feeling so much better that it doesn't even matter if I lose the weight - though I'm not saying it wouldn't be nice!  My main problem at the moment is that I seem to be retaining water like crazy.  The doctor has me on Furosemide, which took off 10lbs right off the bat but now seems to be plateauing, and my feet are still swollen to the point where they haven't been able to fit in shoes for about a month now.  We upped my dosage the other day, though, so perhaps I will see some progress!

I have set a goal for myself of moving into an apartment in the city by this time next year.  This means that I will have to obtain some sort of job fairly soon - I'm going to keep an eye out now and if I don't happen to stumble on to something I will start seriously hunting at the end of August/beginning of September, when everyone else at my age and skill level is going back to school and ditching their summer jobs.  Also, I might take an Intro to Business course starting in February to get some useful skills, so that I can get a higher-paying job and actually afford to pay rent on an apartment. 

This vasculitis is really going to screw me over in the long run - CellCept is expensive!  I'm going to talk to my doctor at my next appointment about that.  It isn't an issue right now, because I'm covered under my Dad's medical plan for work, but that runs out when I hit 21 or am no longer his dependant.  Pharmacare is GREAT, but working full time at $9, my deductible would be somewhere in the region of $600 annually, which is money I would have to pull from elsewhere. 

I don't care what I have to do, though - I just can't live with my mother much longer.  I'm not even sure how I'll survive this winter.  If I were to somehow luck on to a decent job this fall, I think I would try to move out even sooner. 

Anyway, in the meantime I am focused on making myself healthy (or at least healthier!), and on getting myself out and about in the community as much as possible.  I am sick of being a hermit, and I find that I have less and less in common with high school friends as the days go by.   I want to cultivate my interests, I want to meet like-minded people... I want to sit in a park and watch the world go by.

I do not want to update my resume, but I suppose that should go on my to-do list. Blargh.

Have a fantastic day, and remember to smile!

Beware the Ides of March! 

I wish today were a holiday, only because I want to be able to say that it is my favourite! 

If I had been on top of things this year I would have thrown a party or something. 

Love the Ides of March.

At some point in the past 24 hours I have become addicted to Twitter.  This is not good.

Thinking about perhaps going to the Forks tomorrow if the weather stays nice.  Will hit up Polo on Monday for sure. 

Maybe Chapters? Maybe?

I need to get out of this house and start MEETING new people.

Woke up late again today.  This is not a good thing. I mean, yes, it's nice to sleep in, but not this much! 
Ha.  I remember when waking up at 11 was way too early.  What's sad is that it was less than three months ago that this was the case. It's crazy how quickly things can change! 

Anyway, woke up late, like I said.  Had open-faced egg mcmuffins for breakfast - delicious!  Did pretty much shit-all between breakfast and lunch... read some Firefly fanfiction.  Firefly seems to have become my latest mini-obsession.  There is some really good fiction out there, and there are some very talented writers.  I don't know if I like the tendancy to focus on River, though.  I suppose she is the most interesting character in the fandom in that she is the most bizarre, but I find her boring.  She's too predictable.  I can't relate to her.

Also, "River" is a dumb name. Sorry. It's right up there with "Apple".

You may recall a few days ago, when I mentioned that I've been re-reading The Bell Jar.  I am nearly finished with chapter eleven, and I'm a little disturbed by how much I can relate to this novel.  I don't particularly want to go into details now, but you can expect a post about this later on, when I've finished the book again. 

Played some DDR this afternoon... I thought it would make me feel like shit, but besides being perhaps a bit more difficult than I would have preferred, I feel pretty good.  I actually had fun!  I'll probably have another go at it tomorrow, I don't want to overdo things and turn myself off of the only tolerable form of exercise I have available when it's this bloody cold outside. 

I really need to lose some weight.

I feel so much better now that I know the Prednisone dose is coming down. I know it's entirely psychological, but I can tolerate the side effects much more easily now that I know they will be going away soon. 

I can't wait to feel NORMAL again.

I am blogging from the surface of my brand-new (to me) desk!  Yaaay!  Pictures of my amazing new set-up will be posted as soon as said set-up is finished, which won't be for a couple of days as my dad bought me a bookshelf/hutch add-on as a surprise (yay Dad!) and he can't get it home until Friday.  It feels so good to finally be able to spread my office stuff out, and to be able to sit properly, in a chair, while I type and such! 

In other news, one of my fish (Adelaide) died yesterday :(  I did some searching around online and I think the tank that I have might have been too small for the two fish.  Kelsey said that I could have her old 10 gallon tank, so I think I will take her up on that offer after I get back from MTA.  I don't want Methuselah to be unhappy!  I'm not sure if I will get him another tank-mate or not, I will have to do some more reading/research.

Boy oh boy do I ever hate Daylight Savings Time.  Woke up sooo late today.  Now I'm going to be all thrown off-cycle for the rest of the day. 

Having a really trembly, achy muscle day today.  My legs are not impressed with me.  Hopefully this will happen less frequently when I get a desk in my room and can stop sitting cross-legged on my bed when I'm on the computer (which is sitting on a cardboard box). 

Watched the first two extended Lord of the Rings movies yesterday.  I'd forgotten how much I love them.  I'll watch Return of the King today.  Also watched Enchanted yesterday... I'm such a sucker for Disney. 

CP gave me a link so a roleplay board that he's involved in with some people he knows... I checked it out and sort of want to join, but I can see myself getting bored with it fairly quickly.  We'll see, though - if I can throw a character together today that's interesting enough, I might join up.

Started re-reading The Bell Jar the other day.  I raced through it the first time, and that was a few years ago, so I figured it was time to give it another go. 

I gave Jeremie the link to this site yesterday... he didn't seem impressed.  Oh, well.

Bought a sketchbook on Saturday.  Have a couple of things to upload, nothing very good or exciting but I hope to get that done sometime today. 

Desk shopping and doctor's appointment tomorrow, visit to MTA in ten days!

Went out with Amy yesterday evening for a girl's night.  Saw He's Just Not That Into You, which was surprisingly good. Drove around for a while, chatted about random shit.  Good time was had by all.

Talked to Geoff on the phone for hours.  He was drunk.  We always have better conversations when he's drunk.  Don't ask me why, I wish I knew.

Went to bed late.

Woke up early.

Ran into the city.  Ate way more than I should have while in the city. Bought a gravel vacuum thing for my fishtank, hopefully it will be easier to clean out now. Got a shirt and a scarft and a couple of DVDs for my mom at Wal-Mart. 

No good clothes at Addition Elle or Ricki's... disappointing.  I'm sick of having such a limited wardrobe.  New stuff comes out next week though apparently so that will be nice.

Overdid it today, so exhausted now.  Logan asked me yesterday if I was going to the Rock (local bar) tonight... I want to but at the same time I don't.  If he asks me again I'll go, if not then I think I'll stay home.

God I'm tired.

I found an unopened box of 24 Crayola crayons today. 

The smell of brand-new crayons is just magical.

That is all for now. Leave me to my crayons.

(What smells make you relax?)