Starting Over


Well that was certainly unexpected!  As you may or may not have noticed, I disappeared off the face of this website for a little while there.   So sorry!

"But why, Jenn?  Why would you abandon us?!" you cry.  "Surely we mean more to you than that!"

Well, dearest reader, you do.  You mean more to me than you will ever know, and it was not my intention to abandon you for so long!  Unfortunately, my vasculitis does not care about you as much as I do, and it decided to be a jackass and knock me flat on my back for a month and a half. Then there was the obligatory "Holy shit I can finally move again" stage, where I avoided the computer entirely... and now things are getting back to normal. 

At least, as normal as things can get around here. 

So, briefly, let's cover what has happened over the past couple of months, shall we? 

One of my cats died - Bailey.  The really fat, grey one?  Yeah.  She had been breathing heavily for a couple of days, so we made an appointment at the vet.  Dad took her up there, got her out of the carrier and on the examining table, where she promptly had a heart attack and died.  Not really shocking, because she was quite scared and obese, but she was only eight years old. 

Now, you would think that after an event such as this, my mother would stop feeding the cats human food.  But, no.  She is still giving them bowls full of milk and huge chunks of the processed deli meats and spoonfuls of yoghurt and ice cream or whatever else she has laying around. 

It makes me so furious. 

You know what else makes me furious about my mother?  Her cigarettes. I don't even care anymore that she's smoking them.  Fine, whatever, kill yourself with your cancer sticks if that's what you really want - but don't make me breathe your nasty second-hand smoke.  Especially when my vasculitis is making it difficult enough for me to breathe as it is. 

Anyway.  I am trying to avoid my mother as much as possible, because I am so furious with her that I know I won't be able to hold my tongue if I have to talk to her.  And I am trying to avoid a fight, but I can't help but feel like a petulant teenager.  What do "real" adults do in situations where they know they cannot keep control of themselves if they are forced to interact with a certain individual

On a happier note - hello, healthier lifestyle!  I recently joined SparkPeople (link opens in new window), and have radically changed my diet and exercise habits.  Not seeing any astounding results yet, but that isn't going to stop me.  I've been feeling so much better that it doesn't even matter if I lose the weight - though I'm not saying it wouldn't be nice!  My main problem at the moment is that I seem to be retaining water like crazy.  The doctor has me on Furosemide, which took off 10lbs right off the bat but now seems to be plateauing, and my feet are still swollen to the point where they haven't been able to fit in shoes for about a month now.  We upped my dosage the other day, though, so perhaps I will see some progress!

I have set a goal for myself of moving into an apartment in the city by this time next year.  This means that I will have to obtain some sort of job fairly soon - I'm going to keep an eye out now and if I don't happen to stumble on to something I will start seriously hunting at the end of August/beginning of September, when everyone else at my age and skill level is going back to school and ditching their summer jobs.  Also, I might take an Intro to Business course starting in February to get some useful skills, so that I can get a higher-paying job and actually afford to pay rent on an apartment. 

This vasculitis is really going to screw me over in the long run - CellCept is expensive!  I'm going to talk to my doctor at my next appointment about that.  It isn't an issue right now, because I'm covered under my Dad's medical plan for work, but that runs out when I hit 21 or am no longer his dependant.  Pharmacare is GREAT, but working full time at $9, my deductible would be somewhere in the region of $600 annually, which is money I would have to pull from elsewhere. 

I don't care what I have to do, though - I just can't live with my mother much longer.  I'm not even sure how I'll survive this winter.  If I were to somehow luck on to a decent job this fall, I think I would try to move out even sooner. 

Anyway, in the meantime I am focused on making myself healthy (or at least healthier!), and on getting myself out and about in the community as much as possible.  I am sick of being a hermit, and I find that I have less and less in common with high school friends as the days go by.   I want to cultivate my interests, I want to meet like-minded people... I want to sit in a park and watch the world go by.

I do not want to update my resume, but I suppose that should go on my to-do list. Blargh.

Have a fantastic day, and remember to smile!