Starting Over


I had great things planned for today.

I was going to get up nice and early, have a shower, run some errands... pick up and fill out a job application, buy parking passes for when I start up evening courses at the college.

I read a couple articles in a recent Maclean's this morning that I wanted to write a blog post on.

I had a discussion with my family over supper that I also felt like writing something about. 

Does it look like I've done any of that?

No. Instead of doing something productive (or even semi-productive) with all my free time, I spent the day reading Harry Potter fanfiction and making half-assed posts on avatar forums. 

I also spent quite a bit of time feeling sorry for myself. This seems to be a frequent occurrence these days, and I hope it's only because I'm PMSing or something.  I don't particularly enjoy feeling put out, especially when I know that I don't really have anything to complain about.  Yes, my life has been thrown around recently because of these medical issues.  Yes, there are certain aspects of my life that suck hardcore right now, but there's nothing that I can do about it.  And there's no point in crying over spilled milk, right?  But sometimes that's all I feel like doing.  I just want to feel sorry for myself, I want to throw myself a pity party, I want to gorge on all these high-fat, high-carb foods, I want to be a whiney, weepy, pathetic mess.  I want someone that I can be a whiney, weepy, pathetic mess with - without feeling guilty about it! 

But then, that's wishful thinking.  It's time to be an adult now, and I guess that means learning to deal with this on my own. 

I'm trying, guys.

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