Starting Over

So I am petsitting for my cousin's roommate and I have been given permission to watch their DVDs and such - lo and behold, they have Twilight!  I found the novel pretty hilarious, in that the writing is not spectacular but it is decent for a fluffy read if you don't want to concentrate. 

Anyway, I've decided to watch the movie. 

I'm about seven minutes in so far, and nothing terribly traumatising has happened. 

Hmm.  Mike looks nothing like how I pictured him. 

Oh! oh! Here comes Robert Pattinson!  Perhaps he will save the day and bring the lulz.  Haha, whoa.  What was with the "I'm gonna hurl" face in class? Hehe.  Oh, nice framing of the shot with the wings of the owl conveniently behind Robert Pattinson so it looks like HE has wings.  Interesting.

12:40 - if she hasn't been in the town in ages, how on earth does everyone remember who she is and what her favourite things are?  Though, I suspect that is a problem with the book and not the movie.  It's been a few months since I read it, and I did only read it once.

I like how everyone goes from hating/making fun of Bella to absolutely adoring her in a period of about ten seconds.

I suppose I should mention that I'm watching this with English subtitles. 

WHOA.  The Forks police department has some pretty kickass police cars!

Is Bella planning on changing her hairstyle at all throughout the course of this film?  Just wondering.

OH OH OH  Robert Pattinson is saying hello to Bella!  He speaks!  ... guys.  Do not slide the heavy, metal microscope across the desk.  Pick. It. Up.  Oh, look, and we can see in the background that the eyepiece swivels so there isn't a need to pick up the microscope at all!  Fancy that.

Is Robert Pattinson really tall, or is Bella actress chicky really short?

20:55 - pretty bad parking job with your truck there, Bella. Though I do appreciate how your bag matches it. 

Dr. Cullen is strangely attractive. 

Robert Pattinson, please get a haircut.

Also, please stop being creepy in Bella's bedroom.

Apparently the hairstyle thing is a no.

Oh here comes the angst.  Excellent.

30:02 - Oh look, I think I spoke too soon about the hairstyle.  instead of being pulled back in a headband, it is pulled back in two barrettes!  

HAHA. Oh god.  The lines.  So lulzy.  Reminds me of why I thought the book was so funny. 

32:40 - oh here comes Jacob. "The Cullens don't come here" Ooooh ominous. 

Heeey I see what they did there with the whole "it's a snake!" bit. Clever, cleverrrr.

OH  here are the evil vampires!  They are not as attractive as I was expecting. Hmph. 

36:45 - Aaand we're back to the headband. 

Lose the gloves, Jessica.

Oh good, here comes the creepy stalker alleyway scene.  Go Robert Pattinson, go!  WHAAAT.  What is with the growling?!  lmao.  

41:20 - Why does Edward look confused?  I didn't see anything confusing going on...

Creepy creepy creepy stalker Robert Pattinson who needs a haircut can hear what people are thinking. 

44:30 - Why do they both look like they're about to cry?

Yay Dr. Cullen is back.  Is it sad that I think he is the most attractive person in this movie?

Oh good, she's finally figuring out that they're vampires.  That will make things a lot easier. 

And now for the confrontation scene!!!  Ohhh, shut DOWN. Not even a confrontation scene for you, Robert Pattinson.  Oh. Oh, dear.  You're going to creepily follow Bella into the forest instead. 

"You're impossibly fast and strong" - THERE'S a pick-up line.  

Why the whirling camera-shot?  

  "Say it. Out loud.  Say it" - demanding much?

SPARKLES!!! ...wait.  These are not very sparkly sparkles.  I am not impressed.  The sparkling is the best, most lulzy part of the entire concept, and the part of the movie I was most looking forward to.

Okay, enough with the whirling camera movements.

More sparkles!  Hm.  They look a bit better this time, maybe I judged a little hastily.


Rain?  No rain?  What is going on here?

1:03:40 - Nice house, Cullens.

Cool room, Robert Pattinson.  OH OH HERE COMES A ROMANTIC MOMENT.  Aww are they going to dance?  Is that what's happening here?  Oh and the standard "I can't dance" line.  Oh the piggyback run!  ... totally thought she was grabbing his junk when she was, in actual fact, grabbing a nearby branch. 

MORE whirling camera?  I think I might hurl. 

... there is still so much more of this movie to go. Can we speed things up a bit, please?

"I like watching you sleep" - jesus christ that is so fucking creepy.  Pardon my language, but it IS.

slowest. kiss. ever.

WHOA.  Is she in just her panties?!

1:17:30 - She changed her hair!!  It's a miracle! 

Ooh here comes the vampire baseball scene!  I've heard that this is hilarious. Let's see.  Hmm, here come the Bad Vampires. let's see what happens.  Aww, Laurent is a nice vampire. Sort of.

Wow, okay, it's starting to get dark outside.  I will finish the movie tomorrow,

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